The Vicissitudes

In Memoriam: Finding You

2012-03-11T19:58:00.000-07:00

I found my Ma. Took a long time too. When I found her, I was so so happy. I prayed there in the open at the cemetery, and felt so good. Right in time for tomorrow....the anniversary of her emancipation. Now that I've found you, I don't know how I live without you....I don't know how I survive without your love.......I do though - your love never left....Pledging my love my whole life through.

Rest in Peace Grandma. I'll come visit more often.

Believe :)

2012-03-10T06:19:00.003-08:00

Wisdom is such a turn on :)

2012-03-04T18:09:00.000-08:00

Remember Haiti....?

2012-03-04T17:49:00.002-08:00

Look at my friend, Sage!!!!!!! WOW!

This video always makes me cry.

Shaggy uses his celebrity positively: Project Bustamante Children's Hospital

2012-03-04T17:42:00.001-08:00

One Two Three Owwwww ;)

2012-03-04T17:38:00.000-08:00

Modern Reggae (Dancehall) Movement

2012-03-04T17:27:00.000-08:00

Not really you kno ;)

2012-03-04T16:40:00.000-08:00

Suh mi guh suh den ;)

2012-03-04T13:12:00.000-08:00

Present Sirrrrr ;)

2012-03-04T12:55:00.000-08:00

Usain Bolt's Boasie Victory Dance

2012-03-04T12:42:00.001-08:00

I believe this is a man's wine :) LOVE IT!

;)

2012-03-04T12:30:00.000-08:00

My Jamaica

2012-03-04T12:26:00.000-08:00

In light of the several jail bud stories surfacing.

2012-03-04T12:22:00.000-08:00

cause i don't...

2012-03-03T15:33:00.000-08:00

Before?

2012-03-03T15:21:00.000-08:00

lifetime

2012-03-03T15:12:00.000-08:00

The Full......

2012-03-03T15:05:00.000-08:00

Solitude is unreachable.... :)

2012-02-29T17:42:00.001-08:00

I went to the Folly Oval in Portland for an agricultural fair...for my job.

"I wandered as lonely as a cloud".....these clouds have company though :).......

I flounced away for a bit and filmed this:

Meryl's Love

2012-02-26T21:54:00.002-08:00

Tonight's Academy Award winner for Best Actress, Meryl Streep, made me cry. She had finally won another Oscar award, her last win having been in 1983 - 29 years ago. When she won tonight, she felt guilty, like she stole the award from someone else..... she basically dissed herself, behaving like she didn't deserve it. Even though, out of the 17 times she had been nominated for an Academy Award, she was only just securing her third Oscar. She'll feel happier soon :).

At the start of her acceptance speech, she thanked her husband. She told him that everything that she values and treasures in this world, he has given to her. And they are a couple who have been married for years.

I want that. I'm still emotional.

I thought about a sea anemone. They look so beautiful, like the one in this image I took from the National Geographic website. You have heard the stories, the facts - if you touch one, you'll get stung and you'll feel pain. You can get poisoned and without emergency medical treatment you can die.

A stupid person who probably feels he deserves pain, hardship and death will go ahead and grasp this cousin of a jellyfish. Maybe he's not stupid though. Probably jaded, traumatized and brainwashed. Robotic.

The anemone attracts him, not solely for its beauty but especially for the danger that lies beneath. Somewhere in the brainwashed robot's psyche, if the stakes are high in the probability that he will endure pain, he becomes sucked into whatever warped perception he has subconsciously imprinted of the anemone's worth. A flower that is actually a flower holds no interest for him. Because, it is what it is. A flower. A sea anemone is a beautiful venomous stinging marine life predator. It would definitely make more sense to set about to rein it in......cut himself down to its size and ride it like a cowboy til he meets the sunset......the attempt, not to die trying to trap it, but to extract its venom and own its domiciled beauty.

Oh this quixotic life.

I want that love too, Meryl. You are my inspiration.

I have been through some rough times with men and my feelings. What I am grateful for is the presence of tired experience and exposure. Right now, I'm just too worn out to appreciate bullshit. It's working out for me too. I have a professional life, budding family life and no love life. It's the only way for me to analyse why I always love men who prefer for me to love them than for them to love me.

The time I take now, being single and uninvolved also allows me the capacity to develop patience and self reliance. The sea anemone can only be registered as a threat and bad for business especially in the mind of its magnet......only when she takes the time to interrogate who exactly is a venomous predator to her....and who in fact is a sensible good choice of a real beautiful flower....or cowboy, or scientist....or.....a good man.

I'm taking the time now to develop the life skill of patience. I'm going to wait. If it means that I'll miss out, I won't mind. I have learnt that with love, you really have to take the time. Meryl sat for 29 years watching people go to accept their award, leaving their devoted husbands for last. When it was her turn, she knew right away how to really show her gratitude to the one who sat beside her for the 29 years, reassuring and reaffirming his love and her worth.

MORAL:

Don't be quixotic. If you can't stay away from men that are bad for you, just keep your silly ass quiet.

Reviewing my ditties and dense songs

2012-02-26T08:20:00.004-08:00

Such. Sar. remarked that I was seemingly obligated to unhappy in love/can't do without the love, love..... Suffering gives me character :)......oblah dee oblah dah.

Bus Ride

2012-02-25T18:59:00.000-08:00

I almost titled this post "Bload Kleet Bus Ride". It certainly was. Members of the constabulary force and the army, pulled the "lick shat" coaster bus I had jumped in (literally when it was moving off from the gas station) in my haste to reach Half -Way-Tree to link a designer....off the road. All passengers were searched - drivah, ductah, passinjah, man, ooman, pickney.

We stood in a line as the boys and girls with state-issued guns searched our belongings. Good thing I hadn't brought my fruit knife.....whoa. :)

Once more, Spanish Town is running ice-hot. I got pulled over, taken off a bus and searched by the police.

I still can't fucking believe this.

Notice the turban wearing Pentecostal/Pocomanian church brother being assailed by Vybz Kartel and Bounty Killah? It's a good look :):):)

"World Boss"

2012-02-25T12:22:00.000-08:00

DESIRE.

2012-02-24T21:09:00.000-08:00

On this day....

2012-02-22T07:01:00.000-08:00

...my Dad reminded me that Jesus' 40 days and nights of temptation began. Talk to God. Jesus showed us that it's okay to call on Him....for whatever reason. On this day God, I pray for the departed ones who hurt themselves especially because their pain was too much. I pray for humans in disgrace. I pray for the ones who do not think they have a voice to represent themselves. I thank you for Jesus. Please forgive our sins. Thank you for the gift of music. Thank you for faith, hope and love. In your name, Amen.

To: Love, Fr: Without

2012-02-22T06:39:00.002-08:00

Happy Ash Wednesday.

Like the quivering bow's precise arrow....right through the heart....

2012-02-16T18:26:00.002-08:00

Does this song put you in an idyllic trance?

This song matches my yearning.

2012-02-14T04:23:00.000-08:00

I listen to this song most days of the week.....every time I write about you, disaster strikes. So.....Happy Valentine's Day.

This song has sold country and western to me.

and like the river finds the sea

2012-02-11T19:01:00.000-08:00

I believe in miracles. And love's a miracle.

Whitney, I love you unconditionally. Rest in Peace.

Iron! like a Lion! in Zion!

2012-02-06T18:05:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Robert Nesta Marley !!!

2012-02-06T17:14:00.000-08:00

a lesson in self control.

2012-02-03T19:38:00.000-08:00

Moving into my First Apartment, Moving Out of my First Apartment.....composed on January 3, 2012.

2012-01-31T19:22:00.001-08:00

It is January 3, 2012. I wrote my first email letter of notice yesterday. Without a doubt, this experience has been derelicte….do you remember what derelicte means? Yes – strange but beautiful. For this new year, I stayed in my apartment and prayed. I wanted to be at peace…..plus I couldn’t be assed with the “hassinny” (translate to agony, don’t ask me why) of the busyness of New Year’s Eve…..or the heartbreak. In my apartment, I said a long and detailed prayer. I prayed about my job, I prayed for my loved ones, I prayed for my Grandma, I prayed for Jamaica. I spent a lot of time, praying about my love life…..finding a good man, exercising self-control……following my own bullshit advice in that splendid post I wrote called A Musing Deserving Permanence. When the prayer ended I felt better. That was December 31, 2011.

By January 2, 2012, my gem of friend, Jan, explained to me, that my obscene and crazy yelp that I shrieked in my apartment at intervals, that being “ticks inna mi PU”, was, fun and jokes aside, a serious, serious issue. My bed has bed bugs. In Jamaica, we call them CHINK. I had no idea what a chink looked like, did to you while you slept, or what they do to your skin. I just thought that I had contracted grass lice from a sojourn to the country for my job. Nope. My pal asked me via video call, if my black bruises had holes in the middle……yesssssssssssssssssssssssss. If I itch a lot? Uhhhh hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Yah, I have chink to raas.

The chink was the insect to break the camel’s humps. I kept searching for reasons to stay at this apartment. My first one, my first new home. I liked my neighbour next door
, a saucy and beautiful woman who I have a feeling I’ll be a lot like when I’m around 50. I liked the area in which I “was” living, pretty much central and very conducive to artistic expression. After all, I did go to that street dance with my helper at the time. I did film rain for the first time in this apartment. I moved into a studio with ivy on the walls. My gardener and I took it down…..it is growing back. As much as I craved privacy and freedom, at this apartment, I got pseudo freedom and no privacy. And it didn’t bother me as much as I expected. You know how you have these movies, with a woman living by herself and her male neighbours always looking through her window? Well, try lattice work instead of windows. It didn’t bother me too much though. Kept my life interesting, wondering what exactly my audience was seeing….heh.

I think I had better make a list-esque of what I learnt about living alone and advice for anyone who wants to break free without proper planning.

1. If you are in your twenties, don’t rent from anyone younger than you. It is a biased statement and I don’t give a fuck.

2. Yeah, you want to leave, you want your freedom, but if you don’t have money, you’ll be a slave and somebody’s blob of shit on their shoe’s heel. So, get your freedom but know that, if you don’t get a good bargain, you’ll be FORKED in the ass.

3. A furnished apartment should have furniture in good condition.

4. Your apartment should be fumigated before you move in.

5. You need to get receipts when you pay your rent.

6. If your landlady decides that she wants to take you for a ride and you let her, she nah go pull the brake. If you are making her money ha ha (grow), she won’t pull the brake at all. So, you gadda? Do whatcha gadda do.

7. Communication is key. If your landlady refuses to communicate with you, that is a real bad sign and a real bad business relationship. I got shithouse communication.

8. Live good with your neighbours. Heh heh. The first night I was there, I asked a guy across the yard to take a lizard out of the electrical outlet which has no base around it. The lizard had been electrocuted. He and I are still cool now. A cool yute. Another gentleman across the yard, lit my two burner stove for me. I did not remember how to light a stove with matches. He assumed that I had no experience in the kitchen.........we are cool also. A little boy around the side befriended me. I try to keep my distance since I am at war with his muuther. But, he is a sweet precocious little one.

9. When you are highly stressed, take a nap. I remember when the ratty fridge began to leak and defrost for a reason unbeknownst to me. I had just come from the supermarket, put chicken and mutton in the freezer section. And di fridge start defrost! I didn’t know how to get it back on. The floor was puddling and puddling with water. I didn’t know WTF to do! I went to sleep for two hours. I woke up and took up the refrigerator manual. I figured out how to turn back on the refrigerator.

10. Don’t let your landlord or landlady feel she has the upper hand. That bitch will bleed when the standing order is lassed (cutlassed). If you have a landlord who is behaving like he is doing you a favour to let you live in a shoddy establishment…..provided that you are paying your rent,,,,,,, piss on his PU. Go back home til you get value for money.

11. It is 2012 people. FORK slavery! People who bleed you of money – teefing government, criminal, unjust landlord – FUCK THEM! Time to realize that freedom without financial independence and financial power is a misnomer for sucking shit. For 2012, all mi a pree is ------ VALUE FI MI RAAS MONEY. Yuh hear Portia?!

12. PS. Two days after I moved in the apartment, I asked the gentleman across the yard if a retarded person lived next door. I kept hearing disturbing and bizarre sounds at night. He looked into my eyes to see if I was being coy or if I was for real. Then he said calmly….oh, those are the cats next door. I go, incredulously….”Are they mating??”…..He’s all….yes……..I go…Ok……Had to add that, since the cats are going at it righhhhhhtttt nowwwww. Heh Heh. Cotchya :)

i woo with songs, not poems.

2012-01-28T13:02:00.000-08:00

It seems I am a Beyonce fan :O

2012-01-28T12:16:00.000-08:00

View from Juici Patties in Port Antonio, Portland

2012-01-18T21:44:00.000-08:00

This song exploded in my ears just now after watching an episode of Gossip Girl

2011-12-30T19:35:00.000-08:00

A gift from a friend.....MERRY CHRISTMAS :)

2011-12-25T04:07:00.000-08:00

Last year, I felt poorly around this time. A mystical friend of mine soothed my broken heart. He sent me this video which I've watched several times since :) God loves you and so do I. Merry Christmas. J. Rae

This video pretty much encapsulates how I present what I write.

2011-12-24T07:28:00.000-08:00

JAMAICA BLOG AWARDS 2011......VOTING HAS BEGUN!!!!! VOTING ENDS ON JANUARY 2, 2012 MIDDAY, US EASTERN TIME!!!! HEARRRR YEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-23T15:12:00.000-08:00

HELLOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! THE VICISSITUDES HAS BEEN NOMINATED IN THREE EXCELLENT CATEGORIES IN THE 2011 JAMAICA BLOG AWARDS......THE CATEGORIES ARRRREEEE........BUDUUM BUDDUUUUUM BUDDUUUUUMMMM: Best Personal Blog, Best Jamaica Focused Blog and Best Writing on a Blog

So, scroll over my three nominated categories then click, you will be transported to the website of the Jamaica Blog Awards where you can vote for my blog in the said categories mentioned and highlighted. Let's get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS. VOTE WHERE YOU SEE THE FOLLOWING URL: http://jaquandarae.blogspot.com, don't go looking for "The Vicissitudes"!

Jamaican Wit ;)

2011-12-22T21:43:00.000-08:00

A good woman is not afraid and ashamed of who she is ;)

2011-12-22T21:41:00.000-08:00

After attending Tarrus' concert, I've decided that I won't straighten my hair(now). I like the appreciative focus from the lens of the rastaman :):):):);)

Every day I rise on a prayer.

2011-12-22T21:35:00.000-08:00

the father of my child shall exude matching bellicosity :)

2011-12-16T20:20:00.000-08:00

Christmas Concert this year........

2011-12-02T23:12:00.000-08:00

"Total Praise" by Moravian Surrey Ensemble

Steel Pan which originates from Trinidad...."Great is thy Faithfulness" and "You Raise Me Up" played by Rodney Small.

"I Cannot Tell" performed by a member of The Alphasonics :)

"Evening Time" - classic Jamaican folk song written by the late great Louise Bennett- Coverley....performed by The Alphasonics.....sans the lyrics....well the audience fills in ;)

The future of music :)

I waited all evening to record Dean Fraser for the second time.....as he made his entrance playing "Merry Christmas to You".....my camera's entire memory ran out. I despaired. But not for long.........;)

DAILY INSPIRATION :)

2011-11-25T23:25:00.000-08:00

Crappy sound....was bopping too much with the filming taking place :) :(

When Dean Fraser visited my church this time last year :)

2011-11-25T23:19:00.000-08:00

ON MY BIRTHDAY........

2011-11-25T22:11:00.000-08:00

Which was Thursday, November 24th, I shared the day with the American Thanksgiving holiday. Here is my list of what I realized and did on the day:

1. On the 23rd, I approached my work nemesis and apologized and asked for forgiveness. We had been at each other's throats over "some guy". I realized that I had to listen to the advice I sought from God about the unbearably hostile and unnecessarily dramatic situation I had got myself entangled in. For months, I have prayed on and off about how to resolve my differences with my coworker. The prayer book, the Bible, my mother all said, confront the person. In the end, I decided that my own actions towards the individual were spurned by my feelings of inadequacy, jealousy and envy over a man who does not deserve the intensity of any of those feelings. Hence I apologized for my behaviour. Work relations have improved.

2. On the 24th, I woke wanting to hear a message from God. I read my Bible. I was elated to find that I found my favourite gospel album on my computer which I listened to as I got myself ready for my day. I had no bus fare and God provided a ride to work for me.

3. I pinned a Christmas tree brooch my Grandma gave to me around two months before she died..........on the inside of my small jacket and wore it on my heart all day. I cried at first knowing I was blessed. Knowing that I am blessed. Knowing that the silence is sea deep, earth deep, love deep. And blessed (Derek Walcott).

4. I wore elaborate makeup and took pictures of myself before I left out for work.

5. I had a great day at work. My friend at work got me gummy bears, I love her. I get along quite well with my bosses. I try to keep my unpredictable and volatile temper in check with clients, I manage most times to do a good job at that. Otherwise, my name could very well reach on a radio talk show :( :/

6. My Dad met me at a point on my birthday and dropped off delivered birthday presents. We didn't talk for long but I was very happy to see him. His temper is shorter than mine, which nowadays makes me very amused since we are very similar.

7. A childhood friend in New Zealand sent me a birthday card which my Dad delivered. It reached on November 22nd. It touched me :) But,
I find more significant the importance of the day to the person....to remember to send the card.....by itself, alone. I will keep mush out ;) Thank you :)

8. My favourite cousin is working and sent me a lovely pair of shooooooooesssss for work! YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY! I love you :)

9. My Mom calls me very regularly and stops by after church sometimes. We have a good time and I love her more than anyone else right now. And I am so thankful for our relationship. You learn so much with time. You learn to focus on love, which is greater than faith and hope. And I love my Mom.

10. I love my sisters and my nieces. Kayla spent time with me at work recently and drew pictures of her family. At two years old, she knows that shoes go on feet in pictures. My eight year old niece, Annaleise and I communicate via postcards. Her birthday is November 4th hence her middle name is Danielle. I just sent off her cards this afternoon :) My big sisters are my life and I cannot do without them.

11. I went to the supermarket/membership club and bought too many items. I am once more broke and upset with myself. But, I have attained several achievements in my growth. Alas, financial responsibility is sloooooooowwwww in being realized. I have faith and hopefully a patient and new financial advisor.

12. I got new pieces of furniture for my studio and I got a kettle! YAY!

13. I am enjoying my life! Thank God.

14. On my birthday, I woke up and read the Corinthians passage about love. And I will always continue to be inspired and try to abide by it. Because I do believe love is the greatest thing on earth. God loved us so much that He gave His Son to be sacrificed so that we could have a chance at eternity. Because of our mortality, we are unable to get there to be in God's presence on our own. So God so loved the world. And we try every day to show love to others. It is the greatest thing. I live my life knowing that my actions are nothing if I am not true and honest to love. I am not concerned so much with pride. I can be a love fool. Most times I am brave. Embarrassment and humiliation are not things I am afraid of. I am, like Sade.....a soldier of love.

15. I like to listen to my church brother sing. I video him at church singing and then I go home and sing the songs he sings when I need to feel close to God. The one I sing a lot now is "I found the answer down on my knees." :)

16. I met a guy years ago and we talk very regularly now. He intermittently asks me to write a poem about him. Well, the one on the side, the excerpt from Lion's Puss.....you were the inspiration behind the line about Earl Grey tea. A patchwork in the quilt. I like you a lot, and my favourite body part(s) of yours (are) your eyes :).

17. My closest friends are not my closest friends right now. But, as scared and as lonely as I have been, living without the only friends I've believed in since I was 18....10 years......as I said to my closest male friend, maybe I am supposed to grow from this friend solitude. And God has sent new people in my life for me to learn to love and trust. The void no longer screams in agony.

18. I am 28. Last year, I defiantly snarled to my mother that I would not turn 28 in her house. By July 4th of this year, I was living in my own studio which is 7 minutes from where I work. I did not think about the fact that what I had snarled to her had been realized. I was mad and angry with my parents. But right now, I am learning not to regret any of my actions or the past. My heart, my mind and my soul are in a better place. And I am 28 years old.

19. God is the centre of all of me. I am nothing without God. When I worked at the church........see the post I wrote about Not So Derelicte .......I found the conditions there unbearable. But I needed the money and I had nowhere else to go. One morning, I drove to work and cried all the way. When I got to work, I prayed and asked God to deliver me. I had never meant it any more than I did that day. I bawled, "God give me deliverance. Please deliver me from this place." Just as my Grandma had in the post I wrote called Thelma. I begged God to deliver me. Within a week, I got a call from where I now work.

20. God is the only thing in my life, the only person who I know will never fail me. And as I said to my friend almost two years ago, I believe in God because I would hate to believe that God does not exist......because that would spell a lonely existence. Never believing that someone is always in your corner, always by your side and always there to love and care for you, have your back. I won't give up God because He is the reason why I am alive and why I want to live.

21. On turning 28, I say, thank you God, Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father. I know I sin every day. Please forgive me for my bad deeds. Thank you for showing love to me. Thank you for changing my life and providing for me. Thank you for making me see 28 years. Thank you for being in my life. Please stay by my side and teach me how to please you. Amen.

THE COWARD'S WAY

2011-11-19T04:41:00.000-08:00

I'm braver than most if not all of the men I've fallen in love with.

WHAT CHILD IS THIS?

2011-11-11T18:44:00.000-08:00

For I have loved you, and your mother with all my life and strength,

but especially you, the sickly last child who reminds me of myself.

Know that the love I have for you will bolster your spirit,

make you strong, make you believe in yourself,

make you know that you are not faint nor

faint in heart.

Do you realize that death, the greatest divider has only

bonded us closer together? I am not in your sight.

But my love for you, all my beloved family.....

I put a leaf on the poinciana,

a glimmer in your tears,

a burning in your guts.

Tell me you feel my love!

The man you loved who I did not love,

I liked him because you loved him.

And he destroyed who you were.

And I stood by you, grandchild,

and your mother, and your father,

and your sisters, and your aunts and uncles,

and all those who are fond of you.

And you became a new girl-woman.

Then the other man you loved,

I did not know until now,

as I watch you talk to your mother

over breakfast.....he told you

that you were weak and sick.

The flame died inside again.

But you bloomed again my daughter.

Your end has not come.

And now, I have left more than two Christmases.

And our love is complete.

You will see me in your mother's heart,

and your nieces' personalities.

I live in all rivers, all mountains,

the air you breathe.

Know that you can do anything through Christ,

who strengthens us all,

because I have departed without

causing your destruction.

You did not die when I did.

Know this and be glad, my child.

koakaNATT!

2011-11-01T03:55:00.000-07:00

Matters Arising:

Ketch im/Hol im etc refers to the coconut bunch, the im or him being the collective noun for the bunch.
Big or Big and Idle - Silly's reference to me, which broadcasts that I am portly.
Morma/Mawma/Norma/Norman - unusual name of the persistent caller
Miss G - a misspelling of my Mom's last name
"Weh yuh neva talk?" which means "Why didn't you say something?" gasped by Silly in between his annihilation of a coconut's substance.
"You dog of no nation, puss of salvation"- a quote I borrowed from a storyteller called Joan Andrea Hutchinson.
The lovely music playing in the background......wondering if it was really from the ghetto down the road......
"Danielle" uttered in the first scene with my Dad catching the first load of coconuts, was uttered because my Dad likes when I help.....lol.

Any questions?

Wedding Song

2011-10-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

Plan on having them sing live :) Got dreams :):)

A MUSING DESERVING PERMANENCE

2011-10-16T18:08:00.000-07:00

A girl I love as a sister asked me for advice one day as it relates to her love life. I honestly said to her.....I don't give advice on relationships any more because I don't follow my own advice.

It occurred to me today after a horrible violation of my intelligence, self-esteem and well-being that......even if I don't know how to achieve a successful relationship......there are some things women must know in black and white:

1. A man can look at you. When he looks at you, you identify love in his eyes. However, he just may look at other women with those same eyes.....and,,,, what you think is love. Is simply lust. Horniness.

2. A man can play mind games mercilessly and deny it. Thing is, he doesn't know he's doing it sometimes because he's too dumb to know the difference. Too used to lying and hiding who he is.

3. If a man wants you, he'll tell you. If you have to ask, he does not want you.

4. If a man cares about you, he'll want to kiss you a lot and hug you with true hugging spirit. If a man doesn't like hugging and kissing, he's an asshole and should have sex with prostitutes.

5. If a man is in love with you, you will know. You won't have to try to figure out how he feels. This is a fact.

6. If you want sex, have sex. If you want a relationship based on sex you can build one after the sex. If you want love, COMMIT yourself to annihilating sex for several months, several. What I have learnt is that, the unknown - that is, what happens after you enter each other's bodies, is scary....you may decide to get it over and done with, take the pressure off the act itself....however, jumping into early sex is like a man who comes quick....the experience is so much less pleasant, you feel cheated, like the encounter could have been so much more fulfilling. The unknown should not be feared. So, women, believe that you deserve a chance to be valuable wife material. And step away from the warm breath, the back rub, foot rub, alcohol, serenading crooners. Just say thanks, good night.

7. Today a thoughtless, immature microscopic bit of scum disrespected me. And you know what, I made him do that. Because of how much I spoilt him, was biased in his favour. No matter the amount of disrespect he meted out, I constantly and unfailingly took his side, always thinking from the side of my brain that swam in my love for him. Today was the last straw. I can't consider myself a smart young woman, and have someone demand to know why I want to be kissed and hugged....because that is not their thing. Well, you know what? Go and die. You utterly messed up slag.

8. I'll be 28 in a few weeks. God sees and knows, I won't be enduring any more self inflicted disrespect. To hell with any man who does not treat me like the royalty I am. Just go and jump off a cliff and impale yourself on a jagged rock while you scream for mercy as vultures devour your liver alive.

You've Got Mail :)

2011-10-10T17:54:00.000-07:00

In 2010, I prayed for a social life. I had been on two dates in 2 and a half years. God has a way of giving me everything I ask for. But as I said recently, it's just for me to handle my blessings carefully. This song calms me and helps me to be grateful for the life I have. It might not be the life I saw for myself when I was a teenager thinking about how much I would enjoy being an adult, a woman. It might not even be the way I want to spend the rest of my life. But, the key element of this song and why I appreciate it, is that - it gives me hope. And I believe that one day, I will find the missing half of my heart, my twin spirit and the one I will always want to see on any given day, time, mood or vicissitude........more to come for my birthday :):)

Dutty! Dutty!

2011-10-09T05:34:00.000-07:00

Videos!

2011-10-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

DESTINATION: PORT MARIA, SAINT MARY

2011-10-04T22:14:00.000-07:00

listen to the radio as you journey :)

Accident en route

Bemused rooftop spectator

His girlfriend, our commentator

Was a great day as you can see :)

took a walk down to the seaside

the view before my walk from glass louvres

came across naughty junior on my way to the seaside :)

as my niece says :muuuuuuusiccccc :)

big ship didn't fit the sea.......

A bald headed Rastafarian

Bald Headed Rasta demanded that I take this picture. Glad he did :)

let's go to the park :)

Between last week and Sunday

2011-09-29T18:32:00.000-07:00

Lawn Grooming

This young lady will be 74 on November 23rd.

I told her I was a journalist. Does the trick these days ;)

A Street Dance called Sunday Spice

2011-09-26T19:03:00.000-07:00

Preeing di Rain :)

2011-09-24T16:44:00.000-07:00

Ironically, the ivy will be chopped next week.......I can't reconcile my future action with what I wrote about the ivy last year. Shit.

5000 MASH PAGE VIEW CELEBRATION :)

2011-09-22T23:54:00.000-07:00

Almost 5 G !!!!!..................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-09-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

Taking a few days to rest my body. Will start going for walks more regularly and as of this morning, had to abort the fry campaign and embrace Mr Boil...............my blood pressure is up! Very shocking to me at age 27 plus. I guess people are right when they say I worry too much.

Anyway, today is going ok. I boiled a ripe plantain....mhm.....and I boiled two frankfurters. It will take a lot of getting used to, :):):):):):) I even did a little calisthenics this morning. I'm doing better than yesterday :)

I noticed that I have 4,906 page views. I remember when I had 1000 nuff and I was ecstatic going towards 2000 page views. I posted about it. And now, I have almost 3,000 more. I'm grateful and thankful.

Thank you for checking out my blog. It is the one thing to do with my privacy that cannot offend me.....it is public after all :):):)

When we reach 5000 page views, I believe I will have a special celebratory blog post ;):)

Walk good.

PS. Dear God, please take care of Brother Las.

MOST HIGH BLESS ME YEAHH...

2011-08-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

HAVE MERCY ON A GOOD GIRL ;)

2011-08-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

The only time I've been prouder was when Veronica Campbell Brown cried on the Olympic podium taking her gold. This is outstanding.

2011-08-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

So, how mi have Jamaican blog and no Bob? Mi a live inna luuu to blood seed.

2011-08-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

WHEN, WHEN, WHEN, WHEN

2011-08-20T10:34:00.000-07:00

Biggest movement in recent reggae times. No turning back.

I'M STILL WAITING

2011-08-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

It took me a year to fall in love with this song.

AND BURNING.

2011-08-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

PROTO J.A.A.A......WI A TRY

2011-08-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

VIDEO TIME

2011-08-20T10:08:00.001-07:00

DENBIGH AGRICULTURAL SHOW, Clarendon, Jamaica.

2011-07-31T13:22:00.000-07:00

On the way there.

Old Harbour Square

Childhood building :)

Clarendon

Pix got jumbled....on the way home, men playing football in the rain :)

Favourite pic out the set :)

How's the pickle? Sooo good :):):):)

Cups r us :)

Sounnnnn :)

Turned Cornmeal: Forked this up heartily :)

EE heats ha guinepth....He eats a guinep :)

Ties for Favourite pic <3

;)

coworker :)

My type a Daddy :)

Will try to snap Coffee Industry Board tomorrow

AG PEN :)

I'm brave :):)

Nyshe :)

Day 2 @ Denbigh....Emancipation Day

Playful flirting @ Mz. Coi :)

Fishy

Aquaculture an dem niggaz

Tiger Balm....heh heh :)

Kin ya see me now?

bzzzzzztttt

The yam looks explicit, doanit?

My favourite Sagittarian.....cop his pickles ;)

Avocado, Ackee, Plantain

Coffee as promised

From Wallenford

And from Coffee Industry Board :)

Mangoes too :)

CLAIM IT

2011-07-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

Aunty D, come in the back with me and Mommy.

2011-07-23T10:34:00.000-07:00

Wink and a Smile ;) :)

2011-06-05T15:47:00.000-07:00

One of the funnier highlights involved

a cemetery and an overdue

bathroom break :):):):)

St. Andrew, St. Mary, Portland....Jamaica.

2011-06-04T12:56:00.000-07:00

I sang a lot on this trip. Songs pushed and shoved, fought their way to escape my brain and surface on the outside. I've included two which I assaulted my co-passengers with and one that is also nice, which I did not slay on the occasion :)...........Did you know that you can click on a pic and it will enlarge.....then you can click the X to return to the main story.....?........ :)

I went to Portland for my job.

beauty makes the heart sing


Havendale, Saint Andrew

MA.


CONTROVERSIAL JAMAICAN CASINO GAMBLING


Stony Hill Square

JAMAICAN TOP PATTY.

THE COUNTRY OF CHURCHES

ORIGINAL KING OF JAMAICAN PATTIES


FOG :)

Saint Mary I believe.

Saint Mary made me think of John Denver

SAINT MARY BANANAS.

The blue signals Portland....my pix are a lil jumbled. Blame .......

MY CO-WORKER'S FANTASY HOME

Blue Walk

Once, my Grandma and I were talking about food and I asked her if she was lactose intolerant. She thought for a few seconds and then said mournfully: No Danielle, I doan drink Lasco.

Our driver advocated for a political pic. I soon delete the raas :)


I noticed several loners at points, sitting on dykes, listening to their own heartbeats.

Yes, I was singing this song. Yes, I was thinking of someone.

Blue blue sea.

The bridge that led to work.

Tarrus Baby, not even you can escape my skepticism :):):)....BRAND NEW!!!!

2011-05-21T16:14:00.000-07:00

Thirst Quenched

2011-05-14T04:47:00.000-07:00

I don't trust my memories of basking
in the softness of your ray.
Reason and patchwork
have no place in a race
to remember chartreuse wings
that coloured the garden
last summer. It is May now.

...is the things I write about your death....
....your eyes, blue and strange....
....your cackle contralto......
.... the hymns, the syllabic sigh.....

One day I sobbed from sunrise to sunset.
Water parched, my dreams that night were
a kaleidoscope...from nowhere,
A hand! bursting from a funeral booklet.
A wake and bawl, thirst quenched.

Happy Mother's Day to my Mother and my Mother's Mother

2011-05-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

I'll never go a day without my Mama.......you're always with me and the love we share makes my soul never want. With all my love,

Your daughter and granddaughter.

The Sacrifice of Love and my thoughts on Love a year later.

2011-04-22T11:56:00.000-07:00

There is a scene in the movie The Great Debaters where Denzel Washington tells his students that he is there to help them reclaim their righteous minds.

I fought tooth and nail last year to hang on to mine. It was very hard. But thank you Jesus, I fought the battle and came out on top. And now, who the fuck will try to take me down? I don' even know :)

But I remember quite a substantial chunk of some of the things I wrote about and later deleted on the Vicissitudes. One of them was a musing that I thought the Vicissitudes was a little bit like the movie What Women Want.

I think that what I do when I come here and write, is a strength giver and life sustainer....to myself. To say that my blog tells men the secrets of what women think and hide from them? Not particularly, no. I write here to add a new colour, or brighten or tone down a shade. I am painting my life as a picture, a painting that only I can judge and give value to. It is my journal, I share it with you. Sometimes it gets political, since it is public. But nevertheless, welcome to my art, my journal, my life.

On Facebook, I constantly add and delete people. Especially men. And to be truthful, it is no longer "constantly" but still, it can be a little uncomfortable.......when you have to write all the time knowing that some of your audience is not peripheral to you nor indifferent. But still, donkey seh di worl nuh level. Guess donkey has a big dick and a pea brain. :)

So, to give some form and direction to this new post, it's Easter. I am on holiday from work. I miss going to church. Today is Good Friday. God died for me. He gave me my best friends, my family, experiences that hurt but have not killed me, only made me stronger. He gave me a good new job, and he's given me better wages. AMEN! With all of that in mind, I really want to go and be in his house and just say, Thank you, Jesus. One of my mentors suggested I change churches when I explained that there is a rift between myself and my church. But as I see it, the church of God is in your heart. "Church" is the house of the Lord. And the Lord resides inside of all of us. So the man-made temple is just to commune with other believers. It does not mean that there, is the only place you can feel God. Therefore, one man-made temple serves the purpose of all of them. So, I expect to be in my church on Easter Sunday. I'm excited.

Because of God's love I try to be inspired and love people the way God loves me. I fall off the wagon a lot, some of my ex's call me "vexy vexy" because I am prone to malice :) But I tend to be very forgiving, even when I am not asked for forgiveness, I still forgive. But yes, when Jesus died on the cross for us so we could live and not perish, I doubt he said, ok, I am dying for this set but not the set that did that type of sin, because that sin is worse than this one. Nope. God died for all of us.

I try to translate that into my life and especially my love life. I am not a particularly judgmental person. In fact, it is usually strange behaviour, appearance or just those strange men that I tend to really fall in love with. None of them have been perfect. And, I hasten to add that I sought perfection in the past and it stung me in my? ASS. After that, I have been fine not trying to fit all the pieces of the puzzle together. Only God can fit the jigsaw of our entire lives together.

So, I've dated several different types of personalities. None perfect but just to my liking. I used to go into relationships thinking that the man was a good choice, safe and less likely to break my heart. But, nope, there are no guarantees with love. I am trying to cultivate the mindset that love is for how you feel now. Because you don't know if you'll be around next year, next week, tomorrow. I am willing to give men I would never give a chance, a chance.....now. Life is slightly confusing sometimes now, because there are different guys out there, and I am not getting a chance to groom any loyalty. But, it's ok. New to me, but ok.

Last year I thought that unless the guy seemed perfect in his imperfections I would not date him. Because I only dated at that time with the intention of putting his and my life together in the future. These days, all I want from a man, is a man to talk to me and tell me how he feels. That's it. It's all I ask. If you don't want to talk to me, well, we won't be together..........

Easter is supposed to be commemorating God's gift of eternal life to his children who accept and love him. Thank you for dying for my sins Lord. I pray for all my loved ones, here and with you. I pray that we all will love each other without passing judgment, accepting each other, flaws and all, and following your example in being selfless, loyal, kind and brave for the ones we love. Amen.

Shot at the Blue Lagoon in Port Antonio, Jamaica.

2011-03-31T20:46:00.000-07:00

I am.

My Mom in 3

2011-03-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

In Memoriam

2011-03-12T04:54:00.000-08:00

My older post titled In Memoriam was my first poem after a more than two year break from writing. It was two months after my Grandma's passing, and so very difficult.... with her absence and silence growing and growing....the void in which I walked around, dazed, was stuck on Ne Me Quitte Pas. It was my only soundtrack. A pain that was best described in a language I still don't understand but always feel.

When I wrote that poem, I was not very confident about it, as is usually the case with my new poems, more so when I've just returned from hiatus. In the poem I said that I saw my Grandma in a dream and she comforted me. In fact, that was just to comfort myself. I only see her in daydreams, pictures and everything that makes me who I am. I haven't dreamt about her. All I dream about these days is my new and promising career.....sounds so facetious, maybe I am being.... a little bit.

It used to worry me that she hasn't come to talk to me in my dreams as yet. Sometimes I wonder if I've dreamt about her and forgotten by sunrise. But, then I remember that whenever I dream about someone I really love and care for.....I always remember in the morning.

We are so much alike, Grandma and me. We love to laugh, entertain people, and cry easily. Quite melodramatic, emotional, take long to let go of lost loves. We really love each other and we really love our family. Wi kinda soft :)

I remember a time when Grandma got very sick, maybe 4 years ago in 2007. I went to see her in the hospital and she looked so sick and in pain, with a disturbing tube passing blood from her urine to a bag. I didn't understand.....it broke my heart. I broke down, crying and left the room, not wanting to stress her out. It was her face too.....it was enduring so much and looking so forlorn yet resigned. I went outside the ward and I certainly had a good cry. It was the first and only time I wept in a hospital for her.

Last year when she was sick it was very different. I didn't cry at that time, somehow I was in severe shock and just chanting "Be strong". Plus, she had started giving us hints that she sensed she would be leaving. When my sister got engaged in January last year, she was thrilled. She asked me when her date would be. When I said December....................she gave me such a sad, regretful smile. She didn't think she would last a year.
So, when she got weaker and a little depressed, I dunno, I guess I was a bit more accepting of what she believed and tried to prepare us for.

Some days, I wish I could get a hug. She gave great hugs and made me feel so happy and comfy. When my coworker talks about her own Grandma and how she lends my coworker money and demands its return, I blink a lot because I can see how much the girl loves that woman. Any Grandma I see now, makes me miss mine.

I got my last hug. It was a good one too. She had just tidied. And I was getting her dressed. She wasn't eating much. She couldn't even sit up on her own. I went and sat behind her on the bed, propped her up with my hands and put my arms around her from behind. I held on tight. It was the last hug and I am so glad that I got it. She was warm in my arms, she was my Grandma, alive, not very well. But I hugged that woman and clutched her to me.

After that, we only held hands....in silence with varying smile widths. And after that she was............

Dear Grandma,

Thank you for my Mom. You gave me my Mom. Thanks :) She's still here, I still have her. And my family and my friends. Thanks for watching over me. And helping me think more clearly in serious situations. I'm doing ok, Mama. We'll be ok. One year you have left us. We're doing ok.

Dear God, thank you for my Grandma.

Glossary:

She had just tidied - She had just been given a light bath.

Check out "Shreds" on Tongues of the Ocean :)

2011-02-13T11:21:00.000-08:00

CLICK!

Not So deRelicte Part I: What does kindness entail, prescribe and attract?

2011-01-30T08:17:00.000-08:00

Hi my friends. I wonder if you're getting a little squirmish like myself about how The Vicissitudes is starting to look like a facebook page? It serves a purpose though. Sometimes I have challenges that I'd rather not talk about directly. I prefer to post something kicky and funny and definitely Jamaican-themed. (With the exception of the Trey Songz interview, haha.) When I have processed the relevant situation, I write. And also when it is most appropriate and convenient. So, don't give up on me please. I still write.

I had also been sending some of my blog posts to newspapers. So, I had started to style the wording differently. But, it seems the newspapers are....ya: A waste of my time. So, I am going to just be like Vybz Kartel and? Du wa mi waa fi du! A feel like tekking it to dem dis year!

So! Here we go!

In my post in October last year I spoke about a not so derelicte work situation. I refrained from getting into details on my blog because you know how the internet is. Well, as of last Friday I no longer work for my church as the secretary. So, I am ready.

It is funny that I became a church secretary. Most people don't believe me when I say I am a Christian. With my dirty language and all the things you just may have noticed in my writing, I think the reaction is fair. But, yeah, I am my own Christian. In my own way.

I'd been home for a year working temp jobs in spurts. I needed an income in order to save, hopefully go back to law school or go and do a Masters in Fine Arts. But jobs are increasingly hard to come by these last days. I found out that the then secretary had resigned. So, after a taxing year of applying for several jobs, no interviews and being passively bummed out - I just said to my pastor...I think I'd like to apply for the job as secretary. He was surprised, exclaimed I was overqualified. I told him that it was not a problem. In fact, I said something very alarmingly true which was: The jobs I am qualified for are being taken by Ph.D holders because they can't get anything either.

The next day, I was asked to start later in the week. It seemed to be a blessing.

My Grandma had said our last prayer together in the Christmas of 2009. She had held my hand gently with a little squeeze and asked God to provide a job for me and a good life for the new year. She was so thrilled when I told her in January 2010 that the prayer had worked. As it always did. As it still does. She had said to me: Alright then... Aum, Danielle. I want to ask you one more thing. And I don't want you to laugh. You si like how Kamille (my sister) is a Sunday School teacher? I think you should teach Sunday School too.

Then she gave me her little happy, mischievous smile. So, yeah, she prayed and I got the job.

In terms of relating this to the focus of kindness: the pastor and I were kind to each other. They needed a secretary, I needed a job. The job didn't pay much but it helped and it paid most of my bills. I gave service to my church and I guess to God. They took me out of the land of broke pocket babysitting. I became myself again to an extent and was no more a temperamental zombie. The job could be seen as a mutual act of kindness.

The job situation was not "strange yet beautiful" however. It was on a whole a big potentially dangerous and demotivating scenario. My church is located in a garrison basically which is an area rife with crime and violence. I've never considered myself a snob or a bourgeois person. But hey, the workplace was beneath my standards. It was bad also because I spent a lot of time alone and had an actual run in with criminals coming in, trying to pounce on me....twice the church was broken into while I worked there.....I wasn't physically there however at the time of the robberies. My last day was Friday past and I rejoiced because on Monday which is tomorrow I won't have to go to work and sit alone all day....I won't have to be brave and play tough to a scary faced ex-convict who comes regularly insisting on a donation from the pastor.

I've been holding my breath for a year. I will stray but get back to the point :)

The job tried to break my spirit. It really did. Not because I had a rude or slave driver boss or bitchy coworkers. It almost broke my spirit because I was finding out that the church that I had come to be a part of and love as my family.....was a sham.
I didn't feel like Sister Danielle, the young Christian woman trying to be a good person and servant of God. I felt like Sister Danielle, the one who had fallen from grace, had to take a job as a low income wage earner and hence, not be worthy of the church members' love and understanding. It was very tough. A huge awakening. I will never think the same about the church again. But, I am still grateful that I got a chance to make an income and have some sort of life as an adult.

So in a way, I guess I could stop and ponder kindness in light of this revelation. What does charity entail, prescribe and attract?

When I started phrasing this article in my head, I wanted to focus on a few representative incidents that occurred during my time there. Things that happened that made me see poverty, wealth, Christianity and life differently:

Maybe two months after I had started working at the church, the phone rang. The person on the line asked me if this is the number to call for prayer. I said, this is a church. You can come in for prayer. She said, can I get prayer on the phone? I said, I am just the secretary. It would be best for you to come and sit and pray with the Pastor or an elder. She said "Is arite." And she hung up. I was torn and upset with myself for several weeks after. So, I said, I will do better.

A few weeks later. A woman came to the office door telling me that her husband had hit her in her back with a shovel. She also said her tooth was rotting and she was getting an ear infection, she showed me her ear and temple which were swollen and inflamed. She showed me her shoes that were falling apart. She told me she needed help. I almost cried. I said to her, come back here in two weeks. I will have some things for you. That was a Friday. The following Monday she was back. I explained to her that I meant two weeks because that would be pay day. She left. I got some things for her in the supermarket on pay day. Stuff that would help. I called her because I had taken her number. She came by, she took the things. She was so happy. So was I.

Within a week she was back, and I was now referred to as her angel. She brought her son for me to meet. She came to set an appointment to see the Pastor for counselling. I set the appointment. She came, but the Pastor had not remembered. I rescheduled. This time the Pastor came early. I reminded her twice about the appointment and also I reminded the Pastor. She came an hour and a half late when another person had gone to see the Pastor. She blamed me, asked me why was I trying to hurt her? Harm her? What had she done? why did she deserve this treatment? Why was I nice to her and now so awful? Didn't I think that one day I would need help? Sorry for me, because one day I will not get help and I will suffer.

After that she came back a number of times, sometimes with her abusive husband. A part of me died. A part of the good part of me.

They would come, be rude, demanding goods and just be spirit killing nuisances. Because I had bought goods for her, word spread and junkies started coming by the office. One of them came when I was alone as usual. He was deranged and told me so. He begged for money to buy food because he was just released from prison and was broke. I gave him 200 Jamaican dollars, he came back within an hour saying the money had fallen through a hole in his pocket. Could I give him more?

Another came between that junkie's first and second visit. So 20 minutes after the junkie left the first time. This one insisted that I buy him a pair of shoes because he wants me to take care of him.

........it was rough. Being kind. Caring about someone less fortunate. I questioned the purpose of kindness. Whether people should really give.

You know, what it entails, prescribes and attracts.

It hurts now too.

Well, I got over the trauma for the most part. I died a little, part of the young, unaware good part. Several crazy people came and will continue to come to the church. A one handed Rasta man came once demanding to see the Pastor so he could take back what belonged to him.....because he was Joseph the brother of Jesus, son of Mary. Another man in a shirt and tie and briefcase came daily for a week asking to see the Pastor, saying he was a minister from overseas who was in Jamaica for a while while his wife was staying in Jerusalem. He once camped out on the floor outside and did his devotions. When I was asked to find out what he wanted to see the Pastor about. He said. that he needed somewhere to keep his suitcases and was wondering if the Pastor could accommodate him.

There is a Jamaican poet by the name of Edward Baugh. Very accomplished but not well known. He has a poem called Nigger Sweat. I quoted it several times last year. The final lines of the poem are:

"and a promise you, boss,
if I get through I gone,
gone from this bruk-spirit, kiss-me-arse place."

I ended the journey as the secretary of the church. My spirit will rebound but I will never forget the experience.

In closing, as bad as things were and got, I still managed to pray for someone before I left. A woman just walked off the street, very distraught and basically, you know like when you don't care so you look like a ruthless cowboy at a show down? She was at her rope's end. She told me she wanted to kill herself. Because of what she had to go through because of poverty. She said a woman directed her to go to the church and talk to someone. Somehow she got there she said, she said she didn't know how. I said, the Pastor is coming in an hour. She said, she couldn't wait. Just talk to her. So she told me what was upsetting her. And I was scared as hell but, I took control and I prayed. When I said Amen she looked like she needed more. She had desperately needed prayer. She left. I felt strange but prouder of myself as a person....not so unworthy to be called a Christian......I remember now, how in September last year when I was dealing with the church robberies, my depression over my Grandma's passing, a bit of man drama.....how I called my cousin in New Jersey. She was in the doctor's office herself with a family emergency. She needed to go somewhere immediately. And I heard her insisting to her husband that he give her some time with me. And in the middle of her turmoil, she found time to support me in mine. She prayed.

I remember these things. And I say, thank you Jesus. Thank you for friends, family, love, life and YOU!

Amen.

The male dancer makes this video PoP! pOp! POP!

2010-12-24T20:07:00.000-08:00

2000 Page Views! A Weh Yuh Nah Seh!

2010-12-16T21:36:00.000-08:00

Milestone in order!!! 2000 Page Views as of December 11, 2010 at 12 35 am. Good to know people are stopping by :) Feel free and tell a friend....and an agent, joke.

More in the works. Likkle bit :)

Bring English Pounds Cause $US Not Running Again

2010-12-06T03:37:00.000-08:00

Interesting Hmmm?

2010-12-05T21:42:00.000-08:00

At Helshire Beach

2010-12-05T21:01:00.000-08:00

this little boy reminded me of myself

fisherman

fat, sometimes skinny girl :)

Another Article On the Way...... but in the meantime, I found this muy interesante.

2010-11-29T10:39:00.000-08:00

Is the sweetest chocolate really flavoured shit?

One Week til my 27th Birthday

2010-11-17T19:51:00.000-08:00

.....and what keeps running through my mind is this: soon time to write my Soundtracks at 28 1/2.
I am very serious :):):)

Got drenched in the rain this morning. Hopefully I won't be sick though I usually am on my day.

In the movie "Notorious" which tells the story of the late rapper Biggie Smalls aka Notorious BIG, there is a scene where the actor playing Biggie, says grace at the table. Everyone bows their heads as Biggie says "Dear God, (pause) Thank you. Amen"

Dear God, thank you for this beautiful gift of life which you have given me. A year older, a few more grey hairs, very first inklings of crows feet. Thankfully, also present: my family, my best friends, my creativity, my dreams, my hope, my fascination with the strange yet beautiful.

We're in this together. Let's do this.

Amen.

Hawaiian Flavour

2010-11-17T19:33:00.000-08:00

Heh Heh

2010-11-17T15:19:00.000-08:00

Didn't know he was that tall or that young.....but I realized everything else long long time ;)

Stitching

2010-11-06T19:43:00.000-07:00

I will stitch and stitch again,

but I won’t sing.

This thread unravels and fusses

itself when I try to make little

forget-me-nots,

The way you taught me,

always in song. First

wet it with your tongue…

after you clear your throat.

Then the younger eye will knot

but you will save my clothes

and my soul, and all those who hear:

“Alleluia, what a Saviour! Alleluia! Amen!

The Redeemer has come. The Redeemer has come.”

I couldn’t sew before.

One day I might sing Alleluia.